Relationships

Men as the Provider

Last weekend I started reading Steve Harvey’s book “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man” and one topic I found interesting was the concept that a man should be the provider. In book he writes that in a dating relationship we should expect our man to provide for us. So are we letting men do that or are we keeping them away from that role?

One of my friend’s worst dating stories is that she met a guy while she was off at college who asked her out. So on the evening of their date he picked her up and when they arrived at the ticket booth of the movie theater he bought his ticket and walked inside, leaving her to buy her own ticket and later her food. She feels that he should have paid since he  was the  one who invited her to go out.

I see how my friend’s side, but I also know that the rules for paying on a date are confusing and have all sorts of guidelines. Personally, I ‘go dutch’ on activities and meals because I don’t want a guy to assume that I can’t pay as well. While I see what Steve Harvey means about men being a provide, I also believe that some men want women to contribute monetarily to dates too.

The reason why Steve Harvey says that we should let men pay and be the provider is because it’s apart of the male instinct to provide and protect for the people he cares about.  While we as women don’t want to hinder someone from achieving at their role, we also have to do what we are comfortable with. In the end all that matters are the people involved and how they feel.

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8 Responses to “Men as the Provider”

  1. On March 9, 2012 at 9:23 am Sunny responded with... #

    My rule is if you ask to go out, then you pay. If you don’t make it known that you wanna go dutch then, I’m assuming if a guy ask me out then he is paying.

    • On March 14, 2012 at 12:52 pm jenndiva responded with... #

      See that’s a good way to look at it. My only concern would be ending up like my friend and having to buy everything yourself. In that situation you would just have to bring money with you just in case.

      Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

  2. On March 10, 2012 at 10:15 pm Ha-Style responded with... #

    Yeah I always offer to pay regardless. If she likes to go dutch, than cool. More, double, cheeseburgers, for me!!!

    • On July 23, 2012 at 12:20 pm jenndiva responded with... #

      Lol. I like that idea as well. Even though I see where Steve is coming from I think the splitting the cost every now and then is good too. As long as the guy offers and then as you stated going dutch can be an option that’s proposed by the woman.

      Enjoy your cheeseburgers.

  3. On March 11, 2012 at 8:40 am Daisy responded with... #

    I’ve read this book. & my rule is to always have money when I go out – just in case things go wrong or whatever. But, I never expect to pay – just like I never expect to open my door. However, I can open my door & I can pay if I want. Once the first couple of dates are over, then I could/would suggest footing the bill… I’m definitely old school, but I also haven’t found a man who didn’t expect to do those things for me.

    • On July 23, 2012 at 12:25 pm jenndiva responded with... #

      I agree with you that women should always have money on them just in case. Plus as a side note it’s always good for safety purposes. That way if something happens, especially if a woman has a situation like my friend then they can pay for their part.

      I will admit that I like the fact that most of the guys I’ve dated always get the door for me. It shows that they care and they are interested. One tip one of my married friends shared with me is that when a guy opens the door for you then get in and open the door for him. I tried it and guys like that.

  4. On March 16, 2012 at 11:22 am Chymere H. responded with... #

    I grew up believing that men should be the provider and pay for dates. However, a modern consciousness has intertwined to the point where I think it’s okay to do a meet me half way thing…only after a relationship is established. If you’re with a guy for some number of years, then yea it’s okay to not always expect him to pay or even pay for him sometimes too. I agree with Sunny too. Whoever innitiates the date should pay and Daisy to always have money just in case. Now what I don’t agree with is a man completely breaking his wallet on the first few dates just to impress a woman. If anything, the first date should be fairly cheap…just so he can get a feel for who she is and to see if she is only dating him for the money. Maybe that’s just me and my brothers lol

    • On July 23, 2012 at 12:30 pm jenndiva responded with... #

      You brought up some great points similar to the rest of the ladies. I would say that the first date does not have to be a big elaborate event. It should be chill and a time to get to know the person that your with and learn about them. I don’t know many women who would be impressed by a grand event for a date, they would rather know that the guy has worth getting to know and a second date.

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